your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
