I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
