I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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