i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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