i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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