i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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