bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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