Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
