I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
