Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
