Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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