I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
