you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
