Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
