Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
