I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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