yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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