Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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