Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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