Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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