I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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