this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
