How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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