put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
