OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
