as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
