If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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