I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
