seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pooping to opera.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
