i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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