Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
