Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
