Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
