guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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