I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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