just come out here and I will go home with you...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
