Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
