my mouth tastes like poor choices
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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