dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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