we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fill condoms, not promises.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
