He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
