thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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