my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
