So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
