shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
