she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish they made helmets for livers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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