you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
