Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
