what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
