i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
