Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
