Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
