If that was your dad, he is hot
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
