Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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