I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just high enough for therapy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
