Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
