i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
