plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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