im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
