I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
