I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
