i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
