Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
