he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
