She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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