I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
