Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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