I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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