My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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