I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
