i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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