We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
