Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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