I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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