Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
