I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
