Apparently you make a good broom.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
