I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
