went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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