I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
