Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
